RSA VOLUME 3 ISSUE 12 - SEPTEMBER 1989 - "MR. LIZARD RETURNS"
Dr. Goot has given Ralph a mega-dose of growth serum. To escape the pain of the
toxin coursing through his veins, he enters his fantasy otherworld. It's Saturday
night and Ralph is ready for action; he has his book "How to score with beautiful
bitches"; he has his truss on to hide his beer gut; and he has on his sensible yet
arousing "safe sex maniac" T-shirt. Ralph goes to a bar and gets turned down by every
girl in the place. He nudges a patron and asks "Hey bud, is this a gay bar or what?"
The patron turns out to be none other than Mr. Lizard!
Mr. Lizard informs Ralph that it is in fact a gay bar, and suggests they sit down and do some drinking. It is then that Mr. Lizard begins to tell the amazing tale of his mutated existance. When Ralph was a child, he nagged his Mother to buy him a lizard one day at the pet shop. Ralph brought the lizard home and fed him a whole weeks worth of crickets. Ralph decides to go get some more crickets for his "flesh chowing lizard monster", and gets them from an old abandoned plant near his house. However, this old plant was oozing with radioactive slime. Ralph brings the crickets home, and Mr. Lizard quickly devours the glowing bugs; "Maybe their part firefly" reasons little Ralphie. That night Mr. Lizard undergoes a nasty bout of nucleur heartburn, and a radical change in his molecular structure. Ralph's parents find the lizard sleeping in Ralph's bed, "bigger than a breadbox." They send Ralph off to school and flush the mutant lizard down the toilet.
Mr. Lizard finds himself in the sewer system with many other mutant pets that were also flushed down the toilet. He wakes up six months later in a Mexican jail with a beastly hangover. Meanwhile, the bar is closing, and Ralph and Mr. Lizard have a $637.00 bar tab. It seems each thought the other was sponsoring this binge, and neither has the money to pay for it. The bartender scrubs out the toilets with their heads. Back to reality, and Dr. Goots' growth serum takes effect, and Ralph is transformed into a huge muscle-bound monster bent on annihilation, and ready to obey Dr. Goots' every command.
Mr. Lizard informs Ralph that it is in fact a gay bar, and suggests they sit down and do some drinking. It is then that Mr. Lizard begins to tell the amazing tale of his mutated existance. When Ralph was a child, he nagged his Mother to buy him a lizard one day at the pet shop. Ralph brought the lizard home and fed him a whole weeks worth of crickets. Ralph decides to go get some more crickets for his "flesh chowing lizard monster", and gets them from an old abandoned plant near his house. However, this old plant was oozing with radioactive slime. Ralph brings the crickets home, and Mr. Lizard quickly devours the glowing bugs; "Maybe their part firefly" reasons little Ralphie. That night Mr. Lizard undergoes a nasty bout of nucleur heartburn, and a radical change in his molecular structure. Ralph's parents find the lizard sleeping in Ralph's bed, "bigger than a breadbox." They send Ralph off to school and flush the mutant lizard down the toilet.
Mr. Lizard finds himself in the sewer system with many other mutant pets that were also flushed down the toilet. He wakes up six months later in a Mexican jail with a beastly hangover. Meanwhile, the bar is closing, and Ralph and Mr. Lizard have a $637.00 bar tab. It seems each thought the other was sponsoring this binge, and neither has the money to pay for it. The bartender scrubs out the toilets with their heads. Back to reality, and Dr. Goots' growth serum takes effect, and Ralph is transformed into a huge muscle-bound monster bent on annihilation, and ready to obey Dr. Goots' every command.
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
Colorized excerpts from volume 1 issue 2.
Ralph Snart is a registered trademark. ©1986-2007 by Marc Hansen. All rights reserved.