Newstand Edition
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Direct Market Edition
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RSA VOLUME 4 ISSUE 1 - MAY 1992 - "MIND GAMES PT. 1"
Note: This issue was published with two different covers; the newstand edition,
and the direct market edition. The direct market version contains the six page
comics code satire, and is not approved by the comics code.
After a two year absence, we find Ralph Snart living in Florida married to a disgusting
fat hag, with which he has three kids. Ralph has testifed against Dr. Goot and sent him
to the state pen, and is in the witness protection program. We follow Ralph to work at
uncle Gerg's gator factory. Ralph gets a big "promotion" to the skinning department, but
gets eaten by a gator when he fails to realize he has to club it to death before he can
skin it. After getting cut out of the gator, Ralph quits.
Meanwhile, Dr. Goot begins a
daring escape from the state pen, killing guards on the way out. The last barrier, a ten
foot thick concrete wall, proves a little to tough for Dr. Goot, because he attempts to
smash through it with his head. Half dead, he is taken to the prison medical ward. This
was Dr. Goot's plan all along however, because in the prison medical ward, he will have
access to the drugs needed to stimulate his mega-growth gland. He sneaks out of his
room and medicates himself, then he escapes easily by smashing through the wall. Meanwhile
Ralph gets a new job as "Morty Mink", a lovable costumed character at a major theme park.
Ralph comes across some biker dudes who don't appreciate his cheerfulness, and they kick
his ass. Ralph's boss however, accuses him of starting the fight, and he gets fired
again.
Meanwhile, Dr. Goot gets his "Gootmobile" out of storage, and heads to FBI HQ
to find out where Ralph Snart is. After pinching a few heads, Dr. Goot finds out and
heads to Orlando to get Ralph. Dr. Goot enters Ralph's trailer and announces to Mrs.
Snart that he has come to destroy Ralph Snart; but will "have his woman first". After
three hours in bed with the ugly skag, Goot boots her and her "insipid mutant brats"
out the door. Soon, Ralph arrives home, and the story ends with Ralph entering the
trailer and Dr. Goot waiting inside for him.
ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
The direct market version contains the 6 page Comics Code parody, which of course was rejected by the
comics code, although there is nothing terribly offensive in the content.
Ralph Snart is a registered trademark. ©1986-2007 by Marc Hansen. All rights reserved.